Posted by on Apr 10, 2018 in All Posts, Journey thru Garden, Pams Ponderings | 0 comments

Yes…it is spring again.

A renewal of life.

It is just around the corner….

Well, if you feel like that proverbial corner is about a mile away – you’re not alone. Here in the middle of the country, the days are still topsy-turvey. One day 70, the next 30…..COME ON! I know they say it’s Missouri….but really??? I seriously need to see the SUN. Seriously. It seems as if the proverbial darkness outside is creeping underneath the door frames and silently swallowing up the light within. Yes, it has been a long winter….one that just doesn’t want to let go, in so many ways other than just a season passing.

But that proverbial corner … truly is out there…even if you can’t ‘see’ it. And knowing that it is out there enables me to put one foot in front of the other, getting closer to it’s location every day. Knowing that the sun is still circling the earth trying so hard to break through the clouds and kiss the earth is my sword of strength to slice through the darkness. It’s not a time to despair – it’s a time to break through! But I’ll need more than just brute force to wield that 8′ sword….

So that brings us back to the SUN….and the one that truly gives light…and life. The real SON. I call him Yeshua (which in Hebrew means salvation) and not “Jesus” anymore. Knowing what his Hebrew name means brings a depth that the English fails to do. Now, Jesus is a perfectly fine name, don’t get me wrong. It just wasn’t what his momma and daddy called him. Imagine if you would that you were standing right behind the Son of the Most High God … and you said “HEY JESUS” … you’d feel pretty devastated when He didn’t turn around right away, wouldn’t you? I know I would. And if he did…he would probably correct you and say, ‘no hon, it’s Yeshua’. And if he was too polite to correct you, well I can assure you that his sidekick Peter would have! Oh…and Peter’s name was actually Yochanan. Yeah, I know, it’s a whole new lingo to learn, and it can be unnerving at times, but somehow, understanding  and realizing that I just don’t know what I don’t know…is kinda comforting.

Anyway, if you are waiting on spring to return and the sun to shine….think on THE SON and allow him to warm your heart and shine his light on your life. It will cause you to take that next step and keep going forward!



A Breath of Fresh Air

Posted by on Mar 6, 2018 in All Posts, Journey thru Garden | 0 comments

Yesterday … I posted about this nagging cough I’ve had for over 2 years on FB…. and the responses were amazing! Thank you all for your wonderful and helpful suggestions. After pondering everything and responding to a couple of kind and sweet people that reached out privately to me…. here is where I’m at. KISS. I thought some of you that have experienced something like this (no matter if it’s a cough or other dis-ease) might want to follow along or even join me.

Yep….I’m going to go back to KEEP IT SIMPLE SISTER. One of my long time FB sweet sisters who is very knowledgeable in the holistic field said “STOP” … I laughed … why did I laugh? Because I had already pondered going in that direction. Questions such as maybe I’m overloading my system with all these oils and herbs, maybe I need to back up, maybe it’s time to go cold turkey.  So after she said that, I said why not? I’ve done everything else in the last few years, might as well start over! So yesterday – I set aside all my home grown herbal tea concoctions, all my essential oil cocktails, and all my vitamins. I scoured my diet and removed all the gluten, hidden sugar, most spices and stripped everything down to the basics. It actually feels kinda freeing.

Last night after a light dinner of grilled cod on a bed of sautéed spinach and some left over green beans, I reached for my herbal tea…and stopped, glass in mid-air. That go-to all day comfort drink was set aside for a glass of water. Not bad…it tasted actually pretty good. So I drank a couple more glasses of pure water (well water that goes thru the osmosis system). Then, rather than sitting down later with a bowl of ice cream .. or a glass of wine, I drank another glass of water with a bit of lime juice in it … and headed for bed. Actually, I felt like I was in a test or something. Could I do this? I don’t really do well when ‘limiting’ what I think is natural and good for me. Ok, well, wine is good for your heart right?? Ok Ok…let’s go on. So after staying on the ‘plan’ of keeping it simple, the last thing I remember was just praising His Name for giving me breath, for loving me, for caring for me and for a good nights sleep. Maybe it may have been the mindset, maybe it was the determination, maybe it was focusing on something different, maybe it was the water – but last night I did NOT cough! The slight wheezing was there, but it was a such a huge blessing to just SLEEP!!!! For those of you that have difficulty sleeping for one reason or another – you know what I mean!

Whatever it was, I feel refreshed, renewed and focused! Just one other thought – after I had posted on FB and all the messages started pouring in – a meme flew past my wall advising not to post personal problems, I almost deleted my post as I thought … yeah that’s probably a good thing. And truth be told, it’s probably a good standard to live by – since most of the people on FB you actually don’t know in person, you can get all kinds of bogus info, and then of course there are the stalkers and haters. (Ask me how I know that!) But I didn’t…and I’m glad I didn’t. Even just seeing the amount of people that cared enough to want to help is healing in and of itself. And … the confirmation I received from several of you with what the Holy One had been nudging me to do anyway … was an answer to prayer. Just saying 🙂 

“But the Preacher is a Lady”

Posted by on Feb 10, 2018 in All About Women, All Posts, Ezer Kenegdo, Women in the Bible | 0 comments

Have you ever wondered at the scriptures that tell the entire half of a body of believers to shut up? Are you kidding me?

Well…as an advocate for the voice of women, as a warrior princess myself, as one who believes that half of the body should not be shut out from leadership, when an article like this comes along, I like to share it. Please take the time to read in its entirety as it is an insightful and very well done article by John Diffenderfer of JOHNDIFF Blog. Don’t forget to check out and bookmark his blog as it has lots of great articles! This one is exceptional:

“But the Preacher is a Lady”

“It’s a great church, but the preacher is a lady…”

There are many third rails in Church traditions. Among the most hotly contested over the last 2,000+ years pertains to what women should (or most often, should not) do within the Church. The feelings run so strong that the functions of women within churches often becomes the single most defining issue in many congregations. Many believers will overlook many other differences in doctrine and lifestyle, but they’ll jump ship the second a woman gets a microphone. The duplicity of the tone is generally something along these lines:

“Oh, you don’t believe in the Trinity like I do? That’s interesting. What’re you bringing to the potluck?” “Oh, you believe women should be on the Board of Deacons? Bye, heretic.”

Sadly, there are very few issues more divisive than the role of women in the Church. People take it very personally, and often feel that any position on this issue is equal to the importance of theology. This sentiment has been deeply embedded in the Church since the second century, and it was codified by the Roman Catholic Church and many of their subsequent Protestant denominations over the last two millennia. And this isn’t exclusively a “Christian” issue — nearly all societies since the dawn of history have debated how women ought to be involved in their respective cultures.

I’d like to further the conversation by raising a few questions and posing a few Biblical facts. Now, I fully understand that my position in this regard is widely unpopular. I know that my congregation would increase in size — immediately — if I held the traditional “Christian” view on this issue. Almost everyone, from the Pope to many in the conservative circles where I’m involved, tends to lean on the “Christian” tradition regarding this subject. Nevertheless, I’m not interested in holding onto a tradition if it runs counter to Biblical truth. As such, I feel obligated to stand up and speak out.

First, it’s important to outline the questions we’re seeking to answer. This topic brings up a lot of heightened emotions, and it’s easy for folks to quickly become illogical. So, for the sake of this discussion, I’d like to boil this topic down to a few key questions:

  • Is it right for women to speak during a church service?
  • Is it right for women to teach men?
  • Is it right for women to be in authority over men?
  • Is it right for women to hold “offices” in the Church?
  • I believe each of these questions deserves a clear answer. They’re absolutely “yes/no” questions.

As people who profess to conform our beliefs and practices to the prescription of Scripture, we are obligated to examine the evidence provided by the Bible and then be consistent in our application of Scripture. So let’s take it one question at a time…

1. Is it right for women to speak during a church service?

The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the law also says (1 Corinthians 14:34).

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul seems to plainly state that women must be absolutely silent in church services (assemblies of believers). From Judaism through various Christian sects, many religions throughout the ages have held this exact view. I’ve even experienced people becoming distraught when a woman was asked to sing a song during a church service. Taken hyper-literally and without context, this verse seems to say that women should be absolutely silent, which means the they cannot talk, teach, sing, pray, etc.

But accurate understanding of Scripture requires context.

First, there’s cultural factor to consider. Synagogues (which the early churches were modeled after) actually separated men and women. The women were often placed in the back of the synagogues. And, in the absence of modern sound systems, controlling the noise level was actually a constant concern. For order alone, it would have been difficult to manage the confusion of multiple groups (men and women) having simultaneous discussions during an assembly. (It’s also worth noting that Paul also tells other men to be silent in this same passage.)

Second, Paul’s instruction is sandwiched between many other pieces of guidance regarding how the Corinthians might restore order to their ridiculously unruly and dysfunctional church. Paul talks about a wide range of issues: Everything from when they should eat to how they should practice “speaking in tongues” to how they should address an incestuous relationship. As such, Paul’s advice, given to a very specific group of people facing some highly unusual circumstances, may not have universal applicability. To determine if it should be universal, we should see if it is universally applied throughout Scripture.

Here are a few Biblical examples to consider:

  • Aquilla and Priscilla led a congregation in their home (1 Corinthians 16:19). There, they taught Apollos, a man (Acts 18:26).
  • The entire congregation of the Israelites sang together after crossing the sea (Exodus 15:1), and Miriam sang back at them (Exodus 15:21).
  • Women were in the “Upper Room” (Acts 1), and “all” spoke in tongues (Acts 2:4).
  • Anna prophesied in mixed company in the Temple (Luke 2:36-38), and the Temple was the epitome of the “assembly.”

In all of these cases, women were clearly speaking or singing in assemblies of fellow believers. If Paul’s instruction is a blanket ruling for all women, how can one justify the actions of the women in these examples?

So whether Paul’s instruction for silence pertained merely to acoustics or if it was to address a specific congregation’s dysfunction, there are reasons to believe that his instruction may have been intended as guidance to the Corinthians — and not as a universal edict against all women for all time.

2. Is it right for women to teach men?

“But I do not allow a woman to teach or usurp authority over a man, but to remain quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12).

Many people add all sorts of clauses and nuances to this verse, but I prefer a plain reading (the “Occam’s razor” approach). People will often add things to this verse, such as: “teach [in a church setting]” or “teach [men who are not in their families]” or “teach [doctrines of the faith]” or “teach [from a pulpit].” Those ideas are interesting, but that’s not what Paul wrote. If we’re going to understand Paul, we should take his words as he wrote them, instead of adding to or redefining Paul’s letter.

Whether in the original Greek or in English translations, Paul’s letter explicitly states that he (Paul) would not allow a woman (singular) to teach … a man (again, singular). Paul does not say: “I would not allow women to teach men.” Paul uses very specific Greek words, including in his use of a definite article which can mean a, the, or that. An equally accurate translation of the Greek reads: “I would not allow that woman to teach…” making it a reference to very specific woman — and, again, not an edict for all women. But does that jive with the context of Paul’s letter and with the rest of Scripture?

At the start of his letter, Paul clearly states that he is concerned about certain people teaching “strange doctrines” and engaging in “meaningless discussions.” Thus, the very tone of Paul’s entire letter is to ensure that people aren’t learning from these very specific false teachers and people who were misusing the church’s structure.

But maybe Paul’s instruction is far-reaching. Maybe women shouldn’t teach men. In forming our conclusion, we need to reconcile many Scriptures, including the following:

  • As stated previously, Aquilla and Priscilla led a congregation in their home (1 Corinthians 16:19). There, they taught Apollos, a man (Acts 18:26).
  • Paul himself described Junia as an excellent “apostle” (Romans 16:7). An “apostle” is, by definition, a messenger and a teacher.
  • Paul credits Timothy’s mother, Lois, and grandmother, Eunice, for having trained Timothy in the faith (2 Timothy 1:5).
  • King Josiah (and his subordinate men) turned to the prophetess Huldah — at the exclusion of the contemporary prophets Jeremiah, Zephaniah, Nahum, and Habakkuk — to learn what God’s will was concerning their kingdom and the Torah they had discovered (2 Chronicles). Huldah’s prophecy was actually the first time that the authority of the written Torah was validated, which was a monumental moment in the doctrines and theology of both the Jewish and Christian religions. Doctrine simply doesn’t get any more foundational than that, and it came through a woman.
  • Mary Magdalene was the first person to teach the Gospel, and she first taught it to men (Mark 16:10).

So, if Paul’s instruction was universal, that women should not teach men, we have to then decide that Priscilla, Junia, Lois, Eunice, Huldah, and Mary (among others) were in error. We also must hold Paul to his own standard and fault Paul for crediting Junia’s work as an apostle and Priscilla’s work as a teacher. Or, we could simply reconcile all of this through the understanding that Paul was, as the text literally states, referring to a specific woman who should not have been teaching in the Corinthian church.

3. Is it right for women to be in authority over men?

Again: “But I do not allow a woman to teach or usurp authority over a man, but to remain quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12).

This one is fairly simple. Paul explicitly states that a specific woman should not “usurp authority.” Paul does not say that women cannot be in authority. He plainly says that a woman should not be in rebellion against the authority of a man.

This isn’t new, and it doesn’t pertain just to women. Scripture clearly teaches against rebellion (usurpations of authority). The Bible describes rebellion as being like witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23). Both men and women are told repeatedly to be in submission to their authorities (see Hebrews 13:17 and 1 Peter 2:13, for example). The fact that Paul is calling out a woman for being rebellious isn’t a new idea nor is it particularly profound. Scripture clearly states that no one — male or female — should usurp authority. Paul is simply reminding Timothy of that as it pertains to a particular situation.

In understanding Paul’s letter to Timothy, we should also see if our opinions concur with the totality of Scripture, because surely Paul wouldn’t contradict himself or the Scriptures. Things to consider:

  • Deborah was a prophetess and a judge/ruler over all of Israel (Judges 4).
  • Priscilla and her husband led a congregation in their home (1 Corinthians 16:19).
  • Miriam was one of the three leaders of Israel at the time of Moses (Micah 6:4).
  • Throughout the Old and New Testaments, there are many women who speak prophetically through the authority of God, including Noadiah, Anna, Phillip’s daughters, Rachel, Hannah, Abigail, Elizabeth, and Mary. Since a prophet speaks on God’s behalf, their authority is supreme.

4. Is it right for women to hold “offices” in the Church?

“An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…” (1 Timothy 3:2).

Again, Paul’s letter to Timothy is the source of many strong feelings. In his letter, Paul provides lists of qualifications for overseers and deacons. In his description, Paul uses the masculine “he” to reference these nameless, theoretical candidates. Traditionally, since the advent of the Roman Catholic Church, this has been used as the premise to restrict the offices of the Church to men.

In reading this passage, we have a two options for our understanding:

  1. Paul wants only men in these roles (the Pope’s traditional opinion); or
  2. Paul is using the “he” as a gender-neutral pronoun for any non-identified person (as is common in both English and gendered languages, such as Hebrew, Greek, including in throughout the Bible).

As with all doctrines, we should let Paul be defined by all Scripture — instead of letting all Scripture be defined by Paul. So let’s look at a few of the Scriptural examples that differ from the traditional opinion (option 1). Specifically, let’s look at what Paul himself said in Romans 16:

  • In verse 1, Paul describes Phoebe as a “deacon.”
  • In verses 3-5, Paul credits Priscilla for her work through the church that she and her husband hosted in their home.
  • In verse 7, Paul describes Junia as an “Apostle.”

Surely Paul wasn’t talking out of both sides of his mouth. Therefore, we have to assume that Paul’s use of the masculine “he” was actually intended as a gender-neutral descriptor. Which is exactly what Paul states in 1 Timothy 3:11 when he, after giving the lists of qualifications for the candidates, explicitly says, “and the women likewise…”

While church politics is only covered briefly in the New Testament, we can also find evidence of female church officers in other historic documents. Most notably, Pliny the Younger wrote to Trajan in 112 AD, stating that the Christians had female deacons who wouldn’t renounce their faith, even under torture. This letter is one of the most significant non-Christian sources for confirming the historicity of the resurrection and the validity of the New Testament, and it confirms the practice of female inclusion in ministry in the early Church.


Looking at the totality of Paul’s writings, countless examples in Scripture and history, it seems that the answer to each of the aforementioned questions is simple: Yes.

  1. Is it right for women to speak during a church service? Yes.
  2. Is it right for women to teach men? Yes.
  3. Is it right for women to be in authority over men? Yes.
  4. Is it right for women to hold “offices” in the Church? Yes.

All of this simply means that women share the same call to ministry and faith as their male counterparts. As such, women should be held to the same standards of integrity, faith, intelligence, and accuracy. Women shouldn’t get a pass simply because they’re women. But there also doesn’t seem to be a Scriptural reason to preclude women from ministry simply because they are women.

Granted, I’m confident that these ideas and this evidence won’t change many opinions. People are stubborn creatures, and nowhere is that more evident than within our baseless prejudices. My hope in writing this is simply that believers might better understand an unpopular (though Scripture-based) opinion and grant one another the respect to exercise their faith without accusation.

It is perfectly Biblical and rational for people to believe that women should have an active role in the ministry of our churches. It’s not heresy, feminism, rebellion, nor even the ever-popular (though not mentioned in Scripture) “Jezebel Spirit.” Within the Body, we need one another, both men and women. Our differing perspectives give us strength, as long as we don’t use that strength to destroy one another.

— John

P.S. To learn more about the roles of men and women and the submission they’re called to as individuals and in marriage, please read my book,  The Marriage Commandments. These topics are obviously quite vast, and simply more than any single article is going to be able to cover.

Thank you John for granting permission to repost this …..it is excellent!

Buy the book:



Another concoction

Posted by on Feb 7, 2018 in All Posts, Essential Oils & Herbs, In the Garden & Round the House, Natural Affair, Recipes | 0 comments

Yep…one more concoction to see if it will help alleviate this dog-gone cough that just won’t let go of its hold on me! Pretty much think I’ve tried every herbal concoction, tincture and oil that is listed in any of my many herbal books. Every weed, herb and root has been infused and drank…not sure what is left!

[amazon_link asins=’140195006X’ template=’ProductLink’ store=’ancient-888-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’6afad46c-0b81-11e8-b690-d18f49d4eef8′]

The Happiness Prayer

Posted by on Feb 6, 2018 in All Posts | 0 comments

The Happiness Prayer: Ancient Jewish Wisdom for the Best Way to Live Today

At age 30 Evan Moffic became the leader of a large congregation. He had great success. But he couldn’t find happiness. Then he found a 2000-year-old prayer. In it were hidden elements of Jewish wisdom. They became a part of his life and those of his congregation and transformed them and him.

In the tradition of Rabbi Harold Kushner, Moffic opens up wisdom that has been at the heart Judaism for thousands of years. He distills the “Eilu Devarim” an ancient prayer for happiness found in the Talmud into ten practices that empower us to thrive through setbacks, so nothing can hamper our happiness.

The ten practices are simple:

· Honor Those Who Gave You Life

· Be Kind

· Keep Learning

· Invite Others into Your Life

· Be There When Others Need You

· Celebrate Good Times

· Support Yourself and Others During Times of Loss

· Pray with Intention

· Forgive

· Look Inside and Commit

The rabbi unpacks these practices of the 2000-year-old prayer with insights for today, that will help you find ways to live with greater happiness and meaning. He draws from interactions with thousands of congregants, as well as his own experience. His conclusion that these actions bring happiness is corroborated by science: people who conduct authentic lives of faith live, on average, seven years longer than others, have more friends and are healthier.

Filled with relatable stories of real people, accessible commentary from contemporary psychologists, and warm humor, this rabbi of a new generation sheds light on an enduring prayer that captures the means and meaning of joyous living that will appeal to everyone.


One more day…

Posted by on Feb 6, 2018 in All Posts, Journey thru Garden | 0 comments

But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:33-34(ASV)

Well, there you have it. Not much more to say is there?

Maybe it’s just because time is overtaking my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m on the other side of the proverbial ‘hill’. Maybe it’s just because I’ve learned that we have no control over anything outside our own influence. Maybe I’m just learning how to relax and let go. Maybe.

Today I will spend time seeking His kingdom … which is His people.

Today I will not worry about tomorrow much less the distant future or what is to come, who will do what and where I will be.

Today I will simply ‘be‘ and enjoy everything (yes, no matter what it looks like) that comes across my path because He is in charge, He knows all.

Everything that does come my way I now know that “I’ll be ok”.  ~ Pam

Read more about The Happiness Prayerclick here!


Lessons in Nature

Posted by on Feb 2, 2018 in All Posts, Journey thru Garden | 3 comments

Sometimes our problems seem to overwhelm us, and wrap us in a tangled web of emotional duress. Sometimes the inner voices begin to argue with each other and chatter endlessly until the ‘you‘ inside wants to scream STOP! And sometimes, you retreat to somewhere deep within and block everything out refusing to come out and face the situation.

Yep..that’s kinda where I’ve been for the last 2 weeks….going from one end of the field to another and then back to number one. But a little bird reminded me of who I am. You heard me … a little bird.

She arrived yesterday for the first time. At first I just smiled at her clumsiness, as I enjoy watching the songbirds sit on a little corner table where I’ve concocted a makeshift bird feeder. But as I watched her a little closer, I noticed that one of her legs was hanging useless and yet she maneuvered brilliantly on that one good fragile leg. My eyes were transfixed on her ability to FOCUS on what needed to be accomplished in the moment! She operated in the NOW. She was going about her daily business – no matter what. She looked healthy, despite this being one of the colder months in a long time, and she seemingly paid no attention to the rest of her kin who sported two legs. She got around just fine. Then … she turned and looked thru the glass – straight at me – and I heard her voiceYOU got this!

It took a while to let all this sink in….and yet it seemed like a nanosecond in time. The Holy One speaks to me the clearest through His tapestry outside. The rustle of leaves, the orchestra of the woods and all that goes on outside rather than from the confines of these inside 4 walls.  But especially through animals. And this little redbird spoke clearly and vibrantly.

What I had been wrestling with was a situation from the past which had now managed to overtake and disrupt my serenity. The scab on the sore spot kept getting ripped off by the same thorn.  Picking up residue from the past wounds and then gathering steam from projecting into the future scenarios of what could happen, it simply overran me! And there you have it – the perfect storm for chaos and meltdown.

And then  …….  that little one legged, puffed out redbird peered at me…and brought me back to the ‘center‘. This is where I want to live – right here, in the NOW. Not in the past, which has escaped my control and now lies behind me, nor in the future, wrestling with various scenarios of what could be accomplished. No!! I want to live in the NOW, right NOW, and let the past go, and let the future be.

I got this!

Thank you little redbird for bringing the words of life back into mine. Thank you.

The Thoughts Within…..

Posted by on Jan 26, 2018 in All Posts, Journey thru Garden | 0 comments

The thoughts swirling around within….

What do I mean? Well, it’s been a time of reflection….within. It seems always to be a time of reflection doesn’t it? I mean, after all, we are constantly seeking, constantly desiring this or that, driving to be better or get it together or whatever. So all of us, every day, whether you know it or not are in a deep state of a time of reflection. You can be conscious of it – or not.

So many things have happened to me in the last month it is hard to grasp. Maybe writing them down will help sort out some of the feelings and emotions and help me (and maybe you) use this time of reflection in a positive and forward movement.

First..there was this dream. A dream like no other and one that is still very hard to shake. It keeps coming up over and over and over. If you’d like to hear about the dream – just click on THE BLANKETED DREAM. But the bottom line of that dream was that I was ‘covered’ in heavy, rank, debilitating blankets. The tightness in my chest, the fear, the anxiety, the depression and the helplessness was sucking the life out of me! But to keep it short, the end of the dream held the light and we are all drawn to the light!

The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:5 ~

So the dream came and went but lingered for over two weeks….wasn’t sure what to do with it except ponder it and continue to see how it would unfold. For those of you that know me – I’m not one that thinks every dream is prophetic or life-changing or something to share. No, I believe that some dreams are important – very important, but they are usually given for the one that is dreaming. And some dreams are just the result from eating bad pizza the night before or hashing it out in the never world a bad experience. It is also interesting, to me anyway, that when I dream, it’s like a movie. It’s not only in color, but I’m able to stop and rewind and rewrite most of my dreams. It’s almost as if I were standing outside the dream, watching, scripting, directing. It seems this is an anomaly, but I’m not sure why. Anyway, that dream seemed to be a turning point and my health seemed to also improve. For those of you that know me, I’ve been wrestling with a nagging persistent cough for the last 2 1/2 years. Nothing – and I mean nothing would chase it away. Not my bag of herbs, vitamins, tinctures or holistic ways; nor the medical route taken as a last resort. Nothing touched it. But the dream….the dream seemed to hold the key, I just wasn’t sure how to open that door!

Two weeks after the dream, a friend posted on FB that he had received two books in the mail and that they were blowing his mind. He went on to share a bit about the books and as I googled the author and listened to one of the youtubes….I, too, was blown away! The book was the essence of my dream! He sent me the book. I read it almost overnight and another piece of the puzzle floated into the equation. The book was basically about discovering who you were under all the ‘things’ that cover you. No, it wasn’t a religious book, nor written by a theologian of any accepted field. In fact, there are few people in my circle I would even share it with because, well, they’d probably freak out. But I have learned that you can find ‘truth’ in everything. You simply have to be willing to search for it, turn it over and over, and see it through the filter of your beliefs. Some are not able to do that yet. Anyway…..with that disclaimer, a week later another friend sent me another book that could have been the sequel of the first book! It put everything into perfect order and cemented the thoughts held within my heart. And as with most important discoveries, if we are watchful, many other confirmations will come along side of the discovery and continue pointing in the right direction. And so it has.

“In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.” 

2 Corinthians 13:1

Simply everything you experience between birth and death is simply that ~ an experience. It is not the sum of who you are, you do not have to live in those experiences, and most importantly you do not have to RELIVE those experiences over and over and over. We, as humans, are so caught up in reliving the past (would’ve/could’ve/should’ve) or in projecting into the future that we neglect, forget, ignore how to LIVE in the present moment! Our endless, chattering, mindless ‘thoughts’ are NOT who you are! Don’t believe me? Ok – try this simple experiment. Take those thoughts – that conversation you are having with yourself right now within yourself – and pretend that it is a person sitting next to you. Now…..listen to ‘that person’ – how long would you continue to entertain such a neurosis? Not long! Why that person can’t make up their mind! They can’t stay on track for more than a few seconds! They are constantly changing their mind! They are crazy! …….. see what I mean? The REAL you…..is not that mindless, endless, manipulating voice in your head! No!!! The real you is deeper, no – go deeper. The real you is what you have been searching for – the one that was created in the image of the Creator. And it is not the voice in your head!

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Genesis 1:27

Start pondering and meditating and turning that over……..YOU have been created in HIS image! Now dismiss that voice within that tells you otherwise!



The Blanketed Dream

Posted by on Jan 26, 2018 in All Posts, Journey thru Garden | 2 comments

At bible study last week, we entered into one of our many rabbit trails. Thank goodness for rabbit trails!

As we shared around the table and concerns came and went within the group – someone said that my ‘coughing’ (a 2 1/2 yr problem) might be a symptom related to ‘grief’ and reminded me that she had told me such a year ago. Really, I thought to myself. I didn’t remember that, but it did stick with me as my mind delved into the memory banks of my psyche as I tried to pull things forth to remember what she had said. Nothing came up.

That night it was still on my mind and as I laid down to go to sleep – I asked the Father to give me insight into whether this coughing and other health symptoms for the last 2+ years could possibly be related to something called grief. Goodness knows, I had experienced a lot of stress and problems in the last few years – but for it to cause such ongoing health issues?! Surely there would have to be more to it than a bit of stress. Would it not make more sense for the experiences of life to simply influence feelings of desperation, depletion and a worn out feeling rather than health issues? But after several years of suffering, it didn’t take long to convince myself to look a bit deeper and think outside my proverbial box. And this subject … grief… had come up one too many times – it was weighing too heavily on my heart. Little did I know what would transpire later that night.

As I tossed and turned, wrestling with unraveling the chaotic and unruly dimensions of the dreams, the night dwindled and rays of light began to sneak into the northern windows of my room. The chaos seemed to quiet and the pieces seemed to begin to slowly connect. As the dream state gained clarity it was as if I was standing outside myself, amazed at the developing scene! Let me try to explain, because really, I’m not crazy.

It doesn’t really seem necessary to go into all the sordid details of the whys and wherefores of how I arrived at this present situation.  Suffice it to say that it slowly edged its way in – it just did – and it could have been from any number of situations and circumstances. What is the most important thing to realize now is that it did happen, and we are here in the present, recognizing that something is terribly off kilter. Those moments of yesterday have so infiltrated the joy and confidence of living fully in my life that it is time to STOP, DROP and PRAY. It is time to seek help from the only One that has help to give. And it was time to LISTEN.

So let me try to explain this experience received in a dream, from the present, reaching back to the past.

Wrapping my brain around the ‘where’ I was in this dream state, it seemed to be that there was a heavy, steel meshed army blanket wrapped tightly around me. I struggled to free myself from it but it was so heavy … so very heavy and cumbersome and it seemed to take everything in me to lift a corner of it to begin to free myself of its weight. Crawling out from beneath it, examining it as it lay there – a name began to glow across the dirty death gray colors and HUMILIATION came into full view. It was like a neon sign – blinking red and white, red and white. Shocked and dismayed, I struggled to back away from the intensity of the meaning and managed to crawl away and kick it into the corner of the room. But even though it was now lifeless and lied in the proverbial corner, looking so old and heavy and dirty – I realized that I was not free! Other dark, dank and wet blankets were still heavy on my shoulders! That first blanket of HUMILIATION lay there useless and still, but there was more to be done.

The next blanket seemed to be coming alive … it seemed to be woven with maggots and creepy crawly things reeking of a subtle bloody red stain from the wounds it had inflicted… again, old and decaying. Its name was filled with a combination of BITTERNESS and FRUSTRATION and had overshadowed a lot of my life due to what was perceived as the injustices of the world and mankind against me, especially injustices of those closest to my heart. Real or perceived – it didn’t matter – as they all were intermingled into one ugly glob. That wreaking, deadly blanket, had brought forth the HUMILIATION rag which prevented a successful and joyful sense of living. As I ripped that deathly wrap from body in my dreams and cast it aside with the nasty blanket of HUMILIATION I exclaimed triumphantly that I was FREE!!! But to my utter dismay, again – I was not! There was more, but seriously, how much more could one body endure? How had we gotten to this level of despair?

Sinking deeper, falling to my knees and weeping uncontrollably within my dream, the cause of all my emotional, physical and spiritual quandaries became crystal clear … beneath the rags (as they could not qualify for anything else) of Humiliation and Frustration/Bitterness …yes… arose the security blanket of GRIEF. GRIEF was the blanket that I had carried throughout all my years! I recognized it immediately! It was that long forgotten little blanket given to me as a child to ease my fears, to hide my face in when tears escaped. It had originally been a beautiful fuzzy little pink blanket with lovingly sewn silk edges that comforted me in my pain and hurts. It was my ‘baby blanket’ that nurtured and protected my heart when it was broke. It became the symbol, the icon of a trusted friend who protected the heart of a child who experienced rejection in some way, shape or form.

So there we have it…a soul who had originally been thought of in HIS IMAGE, wrapped in HIS BREATH and had rested in HIS LOVE and HIS LOVING CARE had crossed into another realm of time and now had tasted the experiences of living in a confined time.  A soul that had been protected and nurtured by the Creator of Life outside of time had collided with life in another time and had been met with rejection on various levels.   Instinctively recoiling and covering up the pain with a security measure of protection, blanketing the hurt.

Where does that rejection first come from? How could it grow without one noticing? How did it come to be so many? Could it be possible that it is initially from within your mother’s womb? Could her life experiences, her hurts, her fears, her rejections become internalized and pass through the veils – becoming a part of who you are? Were you able to feel those vibrations within your protected place? Maybe. Worth more than a few thoughts anyway. Then later comes that child’s own grasp of rejection outside the cocoon of safety – in the form of a cry not answered, of an experience not pleasant, of bullying, of failure and on and on. And as rejection grows and insecurity builds we begin to wrap our lives in concealment with various coverings, until we are so far from our ‘beginning’ we do not know who we are anymore!

So after realizing that the heavy rag of HUMILIATION was the ultimate layer, followed by the wounds of BITTERNESS/FRUSTRATION, all produced and fed from a protective layer of GRIEF we have reached the true cause … FEAR OF REJECTION. The child’s heart that lies beneath all the weight of the rags accumulated throughout the years of survival, the chaos that covers up the innocence and purity of the heart of that child of God, still beats. That tender heart which the Father touched with His breath, His life, His will still desires to be nurtured, to be cared for, to believe in the realm of the good and the pure; even when the experiences of life have calloused and broken it beyond recognition.

So finally, here is where we are…. Back at the beginning. We are taking time to ‘see’ the child within who is innocent and believing and trusting and hopeful. We are stopping and facing full in the face all our fears, all our distrusts, all our issues and coming, slowly, to the realization that we are still, down deep beneath the facades, the same essence that HE first created! YES! We are still as we were in the beginning, because ALL of the circumstances and situations that we have encountered during this journey are simply one thing – EXPERIENCES along the way! Think on that, chew on that, ponder and meditate on that – they … are … simply …. EXPERIENCES – along the way of life. Experiences that are meant to be used to learn how to LIVE. No more…no less. Experiences that come about because of choices, or come about just because. Experiences that result from our own issues, or the result of our reacting instead of responding. There is a depth of understanding in that last phrase if one takes the time to delve into the ocean of meaning it contains. Experiences are neither ‘good nor bad’ … they simply exist. Assigning a good or bad quality to an experience only comes from our own perspective. To one they may be a ‘good’ thing – to another not so much. It is all based on our perspective of how it should be. Please turn that over a few times in your heart. It will change your outlook and the way your life. And when we learn to step back and learn how to ‘respond’ rather than immediately ‘react’ – our experiences will teach us, not drain us.

As the dream state began to wind down and wakefulness began to emerge, I wondered – ok – now whatwhat do I do with all this? How can I use this experience to learn how to live – to be healed in every aspect of this life? And immediately the answer of clarity exploded around me and the true reality of who I was and who I am is now in full agreement with the child within and the old woman without. The veil has been torn and reality has been exposed … the LEGION of angels that surrounded and protected my existence in the beginning are now fully visible in all their glory and brilliance – so vibrant they take one’s breath away! Why did I not see them before? It is so obvious now! In my hand is clutched the Sword of Truth (symbolized by the Sword of Solomon that my son Jason presented to me on my 65th birthday) and before and behind and above and below is the pure white light of the Messiah who walks before me! THIS LIGHT, THIS KNOWLEDGE has fully disintegrated the scraps and worn threads of those filthy blankets that blocked out the brilliance of Messiah fullness. It has reduced the perceived or real issues to simply what they truly are – experiences. And experiences are simply meant to be used as guideposts along the journey of life. No longer will I reach for the wretched rags of heaviness to comfort and ease perceived painful experiences. No longer will I allow the stench of humiliation, fueled by bitterness and frustration fed by the mantle of grief due to perceived rejection causing my heart to fear and fail. NO…. not today, not today.

Today… I am bathed in the LIGHT and can SEE. This journey…..is just beginning!


Something to think on ….

Posted by on Jan 15, 2018 in All Posts, Journey thru Garden | 0 comments

Something to think on ….

A friend of mine always posts such wonderful, uplifting, warming messages – he truly ‘gets my day going’ …

Majesty. Magnificence. Beauty.

Peace. Joy. Hope. Love. Kindness. Gentleness. Meekness [i.e. quiet, reserved, peaceful inner strength].

Draw these things.

Write about them.

Teach about them.

Sing them. Choreograph and dance them.

Design them into clothing, into room decor, into flower arrangements, and into buildings.

And most of all, BECOME THEM.


Tip: Sign up and follow Bill Bullock!