Posted on Oct 3, 2020 | 0 comments

This was written 3 years ago … Sept 26, 2017 …

I lost my husband, Jim, just a bit over a year later – 12-18-18  …

just needed to post it one more time.

Today is day 3 of my son, Jason, passing out of this life …. the pain is unbearable – but it helps me to put words on paper – I pray that this does not offend anyone by doing so. It is simply my outlet for grief …

This is the Hebrew month of Tishrei – day 6. Jason celebrated the Feast Days of the Lord and was a very deeply spiritual person – not like your everyday church going person – but a very special deep soul. An inquiring, sensitive, probing soul. We were going thru the days together as we approach the Feast day of Sukkot – or some call it Tabernacles. Sukkot is a time when we celebrate for 7 days the provision that Yahweh gave us as He saved His people out of Egypt (sin) and provided for them. It is a joyous festival. During the time that leads up to this joyous time, days of reflection and introspection take place. Jay and I shared often about some of the trials we have gone through and how life is so unfair sometimes, but we still trusted in the Lord and His promises. As I was thinking of that, I pondered on a few things and I want to share on paper 2 things.

The day Jason died, the reading from a book I have read over the last many years by Rabbi Jacobson, 60 days “A spiritual guide to the High Holidays” was for Tishrei 4 (Sunday) it was titled “RETURNING TO PURE ESSENCE”. Part of it reads:

During these special days, we should be working to return to the quintessential self that we really are. Teshuvah (which literally means ‘return’) implies that there is a part of us that is always healthy and good and pure, as we say in the morning prayer, “The soul that You gave me is pure” And no matter what damage had been done to us in life – to our sense of self, to our personal dignity – no matter what damage we ourselves have done, we can always return to the soul that remains undamaged, intact, pure.

Jason…….began his ‘return’ to his pure self, his undamaged, his intact, his pure self. What a mighty picture that is for me as his mother. I envision him smiling, blue eyes dancing, smiling from ear to ear and with so much peace….and calmness….and love. Overflowing, overpowering love. A true shalom.

There is a Jewish tradition, told to me by my dear friend, that the soul who departs ‘hovers’ in this realm for 3 days and then moves on to the next plane. Today is Tishrei 6 – the 3rd day he has passed. In this book, the title for this reading is “APPROACHING THE SOURCE”….. I do not believe in coincidences.

It reads in part – “We have now reached the midpoint of the Ten Days of Teshuvah. This is the period, say the sages of the Talmud of which the Prophet Isaiah (55:6) speaks when he proclaims “Seek God when He is to be found, call on Him when He is near.” But isn’t God omnipresent at all times and all places in the world? How could we say that now He is closer to us? However, Isaiah is not speaking from God’s perspective but from the soul’s perspective. Chassidic teachings explain that this special time of the year is compared to the “source drawing near to the spark.” The “source” is God, the “spark” is each of our souls, which is called “the flame of God”…….

The Ten days of Teshuvah (repentance/return) represent a type of “coming home” experience.  when the source gets closer to the spark, the spark begins to feel the warmth and it is drawn toward the larger, mother flame. It’s like when you put your hand closer to a flame you start feeling the warmth.

Is that not the most amazing, time perfect reading for this time we are going through? It is what my oldest son, Jim would call a GOD WINK… and that makes me smile.

Jason….on the first day he left us returned to his true self, and now, on his  third day … is now moving closer to the SOURCE ….

…whatever you may think…this gives me comfort …… and he continues on his journey….

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