Posted on Dec 14, 2017 | 4 comments

Yes, it is only Day 3 of the Festival of Lights….another day to ‘see’ and ‘do’. Reflection of oneself can sometimes be difficult, sometimes not so pretty, sometimes a bit melancholy. And while I’m trying to focus on personal habits and nuances that need a bit tweaking in my own life, it seems that today has a  mind of its own. As our home settles back down after a whirlwind Chanukah party, toys picked up, bits of food rubbed free from the carpeting and tables and chairs put back in place, memories start drifting in and out of the atmosphere.  The quietness gives way to memories that are clamoring for attention. It has been a long, very long year.

While there were so many smiling faces, warm hugs and encouraging words from so many – the faces that shined the brightest were the ones missing from the myriad of family members and friends. Our faithful greeter to anyone who put foot on our property, guardian of all children, foot warmer, tear washer and all around best dog ever, has left my side.  Moriah, our gorgeous German Shepherd of fifteen years kissed my hand as she slowly closed her eyes and slept. Her huge head on my knee and penetrating eyes will forever be remembered.

My precious sister-in-law Ginny lost her battle to cancer last March and even though her children are all adults…the holidays lost the sparkle and all of our clan knew we had lost a great matriarch. Ginny was an amazing woman of God, raising four beautiful children – all home schooled – and her deep love of her children and husband are hard to find in today’s throw-away society.

We also lost one of my closest and truest friends to that ravaging “C” beast … Robin. Robin was a pillar of strength as well. The hardship and uncertainty she endured in her lifetime seemed so unfair, but her faith never wavered. Our decades of friendship wound its way through the good, the bad and the ugly but we never wavered in picking each other up, encouraging each other and wiping away each other’s tears. Her bigger than life smile and her honesty and straight forwardness is something I will always treasure.

Both of these strong women of valor fought valiantly and gave everything they had to win the battle of the “C” beast. Unfortunately, for some reason, the Holy One called them home and has asked us to carry on their legacy of love, strength and endurance. We will try our best to do so.

This was also a year without our oldest son, Jim. The events that brought about his incarceration are still something that is incomprehensible. The fog of it all permeates so much.  Time drags on as one day melts into another. The questions in a mother’s heart continue to go unanswered as to how we arrived at this point, but then, one has to realize that we are not promised another day, much less anything that resembles smooth sailing. While it is difficult on us as parents…the true weight has fallen on our daughter-in-law and his six children. There are no words to lift the weight of the burden they bear in his absence. However, the reality has finally revealed itself of the situation, and again, we will walk forward, day by day, step by step and know that each day brings us all closer to welcoming him home.

So the memories come, and they go, they drift in and they drift out….and with each somber note, there are many others that lift the countenance and bring smiles to the soul. My youngest son, Jason, is in good health after giving us a scare in the hospital. He brings a warmth and a sense of humor into our lives letting us know that all is right with the world. He is a joy to have around, easy and always willing to lend a hand when he can. His two girls are a blessing and are growing up way too quickly! My parents, bless them, are in excellent health and are more active than we will probably ever be. My dear and closest friend, Linnie, as well as the many friends close by and around the country add to life’s treasures. And of course…most of all…my family…without them…where would we be?

So….to end this rambling…praise and thanks and glory are offered to the One above all others. No matter what we go through, no matter where we find ourselves, no matter which way we turn – He, the Father of us all, is there. Thank you heavenly Father for loving us and guiding us and leading us in the way we should go!

Spread the truth!


  1. 12-27-2016

    You have such a beautiful family. YHVH Bless you and keep you forever in His son my dear friend.

    • 12-27-2016

      Thank you my dear friend …. may the Holy One bless you and yours abundantly!

  2. 12-30-2016

    My precious Pam–It is unbelievable how you can express your thoughts on paper. I simply do not know when you are going to put all your thoughts down in a book. I think I will bug you again and again so you finally do it. I be the first to purchase it!!!!

    Love you with all my heart–You are unbelievable and am proud of how Yahweh uses you time and time again.


    • 12-31-2016

      My dearest Mother….. I take the best of both of you … and add a bit of myself … and I am so very proud to be able to say that I am your daughter 🙂 … love – Pam

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