Posted on Jan 1, 2021 | 0 comments

Well, that’s what they say anyway! And this will be the ONLY year that we can actually claim that … Hindsight is 2020!

What is hindsight? Well, according to Webster dictionary it says:

perception of the nature of an event after it has happened In hindsight, it’s clear there were alternatives. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

So…there we have it … there are several ‘events‘ that have happened in the year 2020 … every one can pretty much pick one I’d say. There are several 2020 hindsight events that stand out to me … some good, some not so good.

The biggest one of course is that BECAUSE of the C-word, and mitigating circumstances, my son Jim was able to return to our family early! His early release was not only unexpected, but we consider it a miracle. He had no health issues, was not 65 and shouldn’t have even been on the list. But here he is, home. Safe and sound. His six daughters were giddy with excitement and his wife was over the moon…and me? My mama’s heart grew two sizes knowing he was safe.

During the next few months after he returned, life took many turns. The next biggest event, that is now in hindsight, was the wedding of his oldest daughter, Hannah to a wonderful young man named Daniel. Hannah is my first grand daughter, so this wedding, at this time, was something very, very speical. Jim was able to officiate the service and it was absolutely – well – yes, magical. Every…single…moment.

As I watched that little girl step into some big shoes, lay down child-hood fantasies and wrap herself in adulthood, time seemed to stand still. Memories of a two-year old toddling toward me with her arms up and kisses on her lips brought me to my emotional knees. Teaching her how to ride a pony, catch a fish, gather eggs, hide in the haystack, so many nana camps..and…so much more…it was a whirlwind emotional rhapsody. And I hung on tightly to each and every note as it rocked my world. The melody was etched in my soul.

Slowly, very slowly reality wiped away the stanzas in the melody and my vision cleared…there they were, the two of them standing with my husband’s Talith (prayer shawl) around them and my oldest son smiling so big he looked like the Cheshire Cat … yet there were tears at the corners of his eyes, just as there were in mine. My mama heart hurt a little to know that one cycle was beginning and another one closer to an end; and yet I felt so full of love and warmth at the prospect of watching another generation be fruitful. It was a beautiful wedding – absolutely beautiful. All eight grand daughters blessed me that day with their presence, and I know their Papa was smiling down from heaven, as well as my youngest son, Jason. They were missed.

The continuing ‘event‘ in my personal life is still ongoing and transformational. Not really sure what that even means, but for now, I will simply continue putting one foot in front of the other as I learn a new life, a new way and begin a new season. Jim, my husband, has been ‘missing‘ in action for the last two years. It was two years on December 18th. Our small reunited family had a sweet and simple dinner as we remembered ‘dad‘ and ‘papa‘ and ‘Jim‘. As my parents and I gathered around Jim & Cheryl’s dining room table and lit candles to ‘remember’ him, the grandkids shared what they remembered the most about their papa. So sweet, so simple, so child-like – Oreo cookies, extra popscicles, rides in the wagon around the yard, always being there for them ~ always. Cheryl, who had loved Jim as a father from the beginning, shared her heart and again, my mama heart was touched with so much love and emotion. That man, though mostly silent, touched a lot of people through his desire to ‘be there‘ – to ‘do whatever it took‘ … he was just that kind of man.

At the end of our ‘Remembrance Event’ it was impressed upon me to anoint my son and bless him with his dad’s Talith. It was a suggestion from a friend, but after researching it and seeing how important it was to be able to ‘release‘ your children, I knew it was something we needed to do, and had not. So, I did. Anointing my son and releasing him was very emotional – freeing yet full of anxiety. Uncontrollable thoughts buffeted me as the murky waters of emotion washed over me and tears streamed down my cheeks. If ‘released‘ would I then truly be alone? If released what would >I< do? My life had always been intricately caught up in the affairs of my oldest son. Our passion for ‘truth’ and searching it out sometimes consumed us, my active part in helping grow the ministry was a blessing and a bain, and my need to be a huge part of their family was just a part of me. It was mesmorizing as I tried to stand straight and tall. And then, in an instant it was over. Done. Released. Backing away….glowing with an inner warmth, I realized that as he was released….so was I! All of the ‘events’ of the many years before that had clung like leeches to my most innermost parts, slowly died and disintegrated.

But now what? Well, that is where the hindsight I guess will come in handy. In the days and weeks ahead, as the light begins to shine in the corners of the past and new doors slowly seem to open, my release to step outside my comfort zone will take on visibility and stepping over the confinements of the past will materialize as an open door.

The above is just a couple of events that have changed and rocked my world .. just a couple. But they are big enough to say ….

……………………….Hindsight is truly 2020!………………….





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