Posted on Sep 22, 2018 | 0 comments

Is that what Life is just all about? One roller coaster ride after another?

It sure seems like it; now I know why I’ve never liked roller coasters!

In order for it to be called a roller coaster ride, it has to be up and down, round and round – there are no straight paths, it’s all curves. Curves and dips that make your stomach drop right out and your screams of distress just seem to ride the wind with no response at hand. I hate roller coaster rides!

While my entire married life has been a roller coaster ride, one with all the usual kiddie rides in the beginning of just being married, this last one……well, it is the mother of all rides. Sometimes, it feels like the next curve will be the last one where I’ll be able to hang on to the side of the car – I just know that I’ll be flung out to infinity. But still I hang on for dear life and pray fervently that the end will come soon. I need to get off and steady my legs and soothe my raging spirit.

Coming home from the hospital this week, with my husband who is fighting against time, waiting for both liver and kidney transplant due to what they call a non-alcoholic fatty liver, and dreading the anticipation of marking the first year of my youngest son, Jason Scott, being gone tomorrow, life seems – well, awfully empty. This body is getting worn out as well. Tomorrow looms in front of me …. I try pushing it away, turning my face from what I know will be storm clouds with a deluge of tears….and yet, there is no way to avoid it. It must be done….it must be walked through. No way out. It will be a closing of sorts, a year of mourning and heartache; hopefully eased out by memories that bring warmth and smiles.

Ironic how ‘that‘ day … will be the eve of the beginning of the Feast of Tabernacles ~ Sukkot. A time given by the Creator of the Universe for celebrating the gathering of His people for rejoicing and feasting. A time He will tabernacle with His people. How ironic.

Wait, what is that sound ….

In the background my husband has a song he just turned up …… meltdown….‘Even If’ … by Mercy Me … now we’re both crying in separate rooms…I can hear his sobs…my body shakes uncontrollably, and my dog comes and lays her head on my lap and moans. How much more Abba? How much more!?

People call me strong….wise…a woman of valor. If only those attributes were felt … all I feel is lonely, tired, weak and blown by the winds. Another song drifts through the room……‘He’s a chain breaker’….

Ok, enough is enough, stand up, be strong, you are a daughter of the King!

Pulling out my book….reinforcements are being called out to lift up my spirit from the spiraling pit of despair. Deep, way down, His words well up inside….He has never left…my wails of grief just tune him out….but only for a moment. He is my only strength, my only hope, my only guidepost ~ otherwise – there is only the great abyss that is waiting and nothing more.

Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

2 Corinthians 9:8 – And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

Psalm 34:17 – When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Deuteronomy 31:6 – Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

Isaiah 41:10 – Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 55:22 – Cast your burden upon the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

There are many going through very difficult trials right now, their cries reach my desk every day. We are all receiving fiery darts every minute of the day. We all feel as if we will be swept up and must hang on by our fingernails in that roller coaster ride. And many are so tired they can not lift the shield they grasp in their hand or reach for the brake that is within their reach. That’s why we need each other, when your limping and can go no further, I’ll be there to help you ~ when I am, please reach out your hand to steady my trembling body.

“May the Holy One of Israel hear our cries, take notice of His children who need His attentive ear and take action! May the coming season offer consolation, refreshing and renewing of our resolve and our spirit! With Him at my side, He will make the path straight!”




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