Posted on Jan 1, 2018 | 2 comments

Loaded title eh?

Think of all the ‘weigh-ins’ that go on during this time of year. Many celebrate the Gregorian calendar with ‘weighing in’ heavy on the mind, heart and soul! And there is a spider web of definitions if you don’t stop at the scale!

During this time of the year, commercials are extremely in your face about how fat you are … how much weight you need to drop, the greatest and bestest no-failure diet plan, pill or program. How could one not look in the mirror and ‘see’ rolls hanging over the belt line, a little sagging of the neck and resolutely sigh heavily as those extra pounds stare back at you? Stepping on that silent punisher of ‘this is how it really is girlfriend’ always points an accusing finger and frowning face, even if you do strip down to the bare necessities behind closed doors!

So weighing in can be simply stepping on a scale to see how much you need to ‘lose’ or it can be much, much more! Let’s look at it a little more broadly (pun intended). Truth be told, we could probably all stand to lose a few pounds in the flesh department. I know I could. There, I have said it outloud – that skinny little gal of 18 who had to sneak behind her mother’s back and eat those nasty flavored cream weight-on wafers so she could gain enough to fit into her size 6 wedding dress … well, can’t even get it up over her hips anymore! Yep….don’t think I’ll ever weigh 99lbs again! But….it’s ok – I’m not 18 either.

But since the here and now is actually ‘in the flesh’ – those extra pounds can actually serve to help us dig a little deeper. Are there emotional issues or other circumstances that cause us to put on a bit more than we actually need? Do we deal with the stress in our lives better now than when we were young and innocent? Do we hold on to grudges and nurse offenses? Do we get upset when our FB post isn’t liked or shared or even acknowledged? Or worse yet do we go off on our own little tyrant of self-righteousness and belittle a poster off our wall when they differ in understanding? Hmmmm….just some things to flesh out.

Extra weight brings a variety of health problems, physically and emotionally. Some of us are content with packing it on because it offers sort of an insulation blanket and some of us walk around worrying about it all day long yet don’t really get off the couch to do anything about it. Most of us mingle the two reasons. Speaking from personal experience here, so don’t go all nuts on me and get offended. But again, this post really isn’t about what we ‘see’ on the outside – it’s about getting past the visual and going a bit deeper to understand the root of our problems. So let me explain a little bit about my year 2017. It was a very difficult year and while I don’t particularly celebrate this time of the year anymore as a “New Year” choosing instead to honor the new year on my King’s calendar, I do recognize the passing of the Gregorian calendar and my connection to it for all those past years. And truth be told…you can’t really get away from the whole world’s obsession with getting rid of the old and ringing in the new. So be it.

This year was a time of ‘passing’ … in so many ways. Sitting here and trying to articulate the perfect word for losing loved ones … is so inadequate and pointless. There are no words. Not only did one of my best friends, Robin, leave this world behind but so did another friend of 30 years. Two of our life-long pets both left us within a month of each other ~ Moriah and Benson. Each and everyone added something very positive and special to our lives and will be greatly missed. But the most difficult and hear-wrenching blow we dealt with this year was the unexpected and sudden passing of our youngest son, Jason. We are still reeling and recovering from his sudden departure. Not seeing his face, not hearing his voice, not feeling his bear hugs at times unbearable. The hole in this mother’s heart is beyond words, beyond articulating anything intelligible. It just is ~ even though, yes, I hear you – I will see him again. That is ‘my’ saving grace and until then, I will still miss him being here in the ‘flesh’. Someone whispered to me this thought and I hold onto it tightly, “Their time is simply not our time and in time, all time will be one again.” Yes, our loss was great this year … and we are still in recovery … probably always will be. Separation and estrangement are part of the cycle of life, and no, life is not fair.

Maybe you also have gone through difficult times and seasons in your life. Doughnuts to dollars bet you have if you’ve lived life at all. But maybe this year we can all learn to help each other through those struggles with a bit more understanding, a bit more tolerance and a whole lot more love. Instead of reaching for another piece of chocolate or an extra glass of wine to help soothe the heartache, maybe we will be able to reach up for the outstretched hand – a hand that judges not. Maybe we can ‘see’ with the heart of God instead of from our own spin and perspective. If that becomes possible, we will stop trying to add another covering over our wounded soul…a fig leaf, if you will. We will stop hiding under a façade of expressions that we have become experts at pulling out for our protection at a moments notice. Maybe then, when an aroma, a sign, a memory floats to the surface and all the faces we have perfected for preservation sake, crumble around us and we are left naked and afraid we will reach out and look up. We will do so because we know we have those around us that truly do care, do comfort, do hold us up, with no agenda on their own. Then….then….dear friend, we truly will have a new year.

Stick with us here, we’re going to explore this more in the days and weeks ahead, so sign up for our newsletter (located at the right hand side of the post) and let’s put down the mask and pick up authenticity! 



  1. 1-1-2018

    This was a tough year for so many of us sister Pam. Your house hold took the biggest hits I have seen. We’re still praying for your lungs and Jim’s diabetes as well as Jim Jr and family and Jason’s family. You are on my heart so very often. Radical love requires fierce forgiveness. Something most people know nothing of Here is something I brought from the church that I will never turn lose of. My sin killed Gods Son. It doesn’t matter if Yeshua was God incarnate or the God Man or a divine man.
    Our/my sin brought death to him and God was pleased to crush him to bring redemption to us. My God is so willing to forgive and reconcile that He redeemed me by the blood of His own son. There is no place to take such sorrow as you have lived through this year except to our Father in heaven. Continuing to lift you up. YHVH bless you and keep you in His son forever.

    • 1-1-2018

      My dear dear sister in Him…and one that walks right next to me – even though we never melt in ‘person’…doesn’t matter we are as close as sisters. I’m sure many have suffered more than our family -but it doesn’t make it hurt any less, does it? And yes, you have hit the nail on the head …. and I agree with everything you have said…and in the end…there is no place..none, nada…to take our sorrow except to our Father….thank you for thinking of me, for lifting me and mine up…..and your blessing! Love you dearly.

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