Word from a friend
For the last ten or more years, I have followed a very wise and dear friend. Even though we have not met ‘face to face’ – our relationship has been strong. His name is Bill Bullock and he writes one of the most compelling daily commentaries on the Torah Portions that I’ve ever read. His commentaries go under the title of “RABBI’S SON”.
You should check him out – he posts wise saying on FB and you can receive his weekly writing in your inbox. Here was today’s post on FB….something to really think about!
SPEECH AND COMMUNICATION ARE NOT THE SAME THING
The wise man knows that face-to-face communication between human beings is more influenced by the tone and demeanor of the speaker than by the actual words used. If the hearer senses even a hint of arrogance, condescension, or malice, a negative attitude, an argumentative tone, or any anger or outrage toward him/her in what a speaker is saying, it is human nature to assume a defensive approach and ‘entrench’. That means true communication gets shuts down before it starts – no matter how much truth is spoken thereafter.
Written communication between human beings is even more challenging. Written communication is more influenced by the subjective belief/imagination/interpretation of the recipient regarding what he envisions the tone and demeanor of the speaker to be than it is influenced by the actual words the speaker uses.
The wise man therefore realizes that even choosing his words carefully, and speaking ‘truth‘, is not enough. He knows that he has a responsibility to adopt a tone of voice, demeanor, and medium likely to facilitate genuine communication. The wise man knows that lectures are for the classroom, that sarcasm is for sadists, and that whining, complaining, blaming, cursing, accusing, and ranting are for self-obsessed control-freaks.
~ Bill Bullock (The Rabbi’s Son)